If every partner who engaged in domestic violence showed obvious signs of being abusive from the start, most troubled relationships would end quickly.
If you are not from the Midcoast Maine area, here are some resources that may be of help to you: the Maine Coalition to End Domestic Violence at 1-866-83-4HELP or via the web at the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233 or via the web at
The following is a list of behaviors that may indicate a potential batterer.
The abuser will question the victim about who the victim talks to, accuse the victim of flirting, or become jealous of time spent with others.
The abuser may call the victim frequently during the day, drop by unexpectedly, refuse to let the victim work, check the car mileage, or ask friends to watch the victim.
It is not the purpose of the listing to imply that every person with some of these attributes is a batterer or potential batterer.
At the start of the relationship, an abuser will equate jealously with love.
Estimates are that 1 out of 4 women will experience an abusive relationship and there are often many early, detectible warning signs. Controlling behaviors often are the first indicators – anything they ask or demand you do to change who you are, your appearance or behavior seem like simple, compromise-type relationship concessions but are often veiled warning signs that this relationship may turn abusive.
Physical or sexual violence may occur without warning.
He might try to rush the relationship -- such as asking to move in together before you have really gotten to know one another -- and he may pressure you to do things that make you uncomfortable, using words such as, "Everyone else is doing it" or "If you really cared about me you would." A partner who shows early signs of jealousy may also be at risk for domestic violence, particularly if his behavior seems like an overreaction to the situation -- becoming agitated, for example, when you talk to another man or accept a compliment.
Watch to see how your partner treats others and you may have a preview of how you will be treated later in the relationship.
If he is quick to blame others or becomes upset over trivial mistakes, these can be early signs of domestic violence later on.